It has been so long

My goodness. Guess who I met today inside Orchard underpass? 林老師 from secondary school!!! I was truly stunned when she stopped me to say hi. I couldn't believe she could still recognise me lah! It has been how many years??? I know, I've been heartless. I haven't visited any teachers since damn long. Frankly, I miss the Iced Tea from sec school a lot. That was my favourite beverage. I still have this tea obsession...so Teh Peng is my unofficial favourite beverage.

I digressed. Yeah, I was too stunned to really engage in a decent conversation then but I think she mentioned that she is moving to CHIJ Toa Payoh to teach soon. I can't even remember my response. I probably gave a lame response or something. Anyway, I just emailed her to ask if she has a facebook a/c. Weird, I know, considering how "avid" a user I am. Haha. How should I say this. I am definitely not anti-facebook 'cos, well, with facebook, I have an additional platform to keep in touch with others and I like this accessibility. I don't fancy the constant status updates or stalking friends' lives or whatever but I like the power of having another way to "keep in contact" with people I usually don't keep in contact with. I'd never know if there would come a day when I need to urgently contact one of them. Therefore, it is good to accumulate a "list of friends". Same for others lah. If they need to contact me, facebook is an additional avenue for such a purpose although they are faster methods to reach me. Facebook is a useful tool, in short. :)

It took me a couple of seconds to register I was speaking to someone I know. It has been quite a while and 林老師 looked older than she was when I last saw her, which really reminds me of reality. The truth is we all age. I'm really old now, compared to when I was in secondary school. Time passes really fast. 真的得保握時間。We have only one life. Anyway, I am really touched that she remembers me. Really. I have only fond memories of her. I have very fond memories of all my Chinese secondary school teachers, from 蔡老師 to 杜老師 to 林老師。I like them all. It's great how I had great teachers who helped me grow an interest, or at least to not grow a dislike, towards the Chinese language. I'm grateful. :)

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I have friends asking why I code-letter their names. Actually it started because I didn't want people to search link to my blog from search engines (I may get rid of the code-letters soon tho', now that I've shifted add. & set the option for search engines not to crawl this blog.) My friends don't get me. They don't understand why I even bother having a blog when blogging is all about self-expression and really showcasing your life to the world (something like that). It is almost as if I have a million dollars and I'm afraid of others from knowing my identity. Haha. I don't know. Is there anything wrong in wanting a limited readership? To at least know who are reading how I ramble online? My friend suggested I keep a diary on Microsoft Word instead. HAHA. Maybe I should huh. When that day comes, you'd know 'cos this blog would be shut down for good.

Another friend asked if I encountered something really traumatic recently and if that was the reason I chose to delete my years of blog entries from my previous blog. Actually, no. Sometimes I choose to do such things 'cos in my head, I want to become someone who is 瀟灑 (in hanyu pinyin: xiao1 sa3). I deleted because I chose to delete them and once I've decided, I've decided. I don't want to hesitate, to keep looking back, or even to regret. The most important memories, imo, are those which are locked inside my head. What I can remember is probably worth remembering, what I can't then let it be. This is a thinking I subscribe to lah, at least for now. I can't say if my thinking will change in the future 'cos everything is possible. Hopefully any change in my thinking will be because I've grown more mature and am able to see things from a clearer perspective. To say I'm cool, not really. To say I'm uncool, not exactly. I don't know. Thing is, I want to reach a stage when I know my identity really doesn't lie in all these superficial stuff. My identity doesn't lie in how others think of me, or even how I may sometimes think of myself (negatively, in this case). If I can keep get through everyday with this thinking and attitude, without putting down or offending others then yeah, I am moving closer to my "ideal self". Haha. When I reach the stage where I can truly say, "I don't give a shit about how you think of me" then maybe I'm doing good. But of 'cos, in between there is also the need to be receptive and open to suggestions and improvements yet I think it is essential to also be able to have the confidence to stand firm to what I truly want and believe in. Complicating? Yeah, I think so to. Plus, there will never be a "perfect balance" to any of it 'cos I am surrounded by flawed individuals and responding to them as one too. There is no prefect when there are flaws- although we can work towards perfection. Oh well, this is the fun of it all also- the unpredictability. Humans are always interesting.

I don't know. A lot of my thoughts are sometimes irrational and when I have irrational thoughts I get really frustrated 'cos I know I am not being rational. There are some issues I am still working out in my head but don't worry, I am doing ok. I just don't see the need to explain to anyone, if you get what I mean (and now I am kinda explaining myself, hence contradicting my statement. HAHA.) I've realised there is this real possibility that I may end up unknowingly isolating myself from my friends and the outside world, which I nearly did, not that long ago; but now that I am aware, I am taking more care in this area. It is just NOT RATIONAL to become isolated from society. We are made social creatures for a reason. I admit that overly-frequent social interactions really tire me out but going out with friends cheer me up. I really don't want to stay at home and mop around, filling my head with depressing thoughts. This is an area I am still working through, hence the frequent references.

In conclusion, there is always more to life. It is only a matter of perspective.
May my perspective always be one that is positive and not without reason. :)
Yay to friendship and a healthy social life!

I'm not even in an impossibly positive mood now so being able to type such positive words is truly a breakthrough! Very good. I'm moving closer to where I wanna be again.

Ciaos then! I will update when I feel like updating again. Haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINGS!