Time to get moving

I'm not going to continue like this. I've stayed stagnant for too long and it is driving me insane. Borrowed a Christian book from a friend titled If you want to walk on water get out of the boat by John Ortberg. I'll read anything that will help me get fired up again. What the heck man. I look at my life and I really want to shout at "what the heck!" at myself. There were times when I felt so frustrated that I wanted to swear. The target of my swearing didn't matter, I just wanted to scream all the profanities that exist under the sun. HAHAH. I'm kidding. I still have that little self-control that simply would not allow myself to degenerate into a vulgarities-spewing creature. My sense of humour is a little hard to understand, I know.

Doesn't matter. I'm not going to allow myself to sink deeper into this hole, which I may have inevitably dug myself in the past. Do you believe in 宿命 (fatalism)? I watched a drama that touched on this topic before, the belief that everything in life has already been predestined and there is nothing you can do to change the course of events in life. To live a life controlled by the hands of fate...I won't accept that. I don't believe in that either. I admit that I've grown lazy and tired over the years. Life can be so sickening sometimes. However, I still have this anger within me. This anger that I am wasting my life away. There are things that are beyond my control but certainly, there are also things within my control...which I am not doing anything about. This laziness is appalling, I know. This post is mainly written by myself, for myself. I need to knock some sense into myself, to give a huge verbal diarrhoea that will enable to unlock myself from the ridiculous invisible cage I've prisoned myself within. What the heck man. Knowing fully that trying to "stay in control" is as good as grasping at straws yet I still insist on doing it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I like this anger, this anger is the kind that will push me to do something. This is all very good.

VERY GOOD VERY GOOD VERY GOOD VERY GOOD VERY GOOD VERY GOOD VERY GOOD! YES I AM TYPING THIS WITH MY FINGERS, NOT COPYING AND PASTING. LET ME CONTINUE. VERY GOOD VERY GOOD. VERY GOOD. AM I EXHIBITING SIGNS OF SOMEONE WHO IS ABOUT TO SUFFER FROM A MENTAL BREAKDOWN? HAHA. NAH. I AM FINE. I JUST NEED TO DO SOMETHING IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. I AM MOVING ALONG AGAIN THANK GOD. I JUST NEED TO KEEP THE MOMENTUM GOING AND GUARD MY MIND AND EMOTIONS AGAINST ANY DARK THOUGHTS WHICH YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW I SOMETIMES ENTERTAIN. THE WORLD IS VERY BLEAK BUT MY LIFE WILL NOT BE BLEAK. I AM TYPING IN CAPS BECAUSE IT MAKES MORE SENSE TO BE SHOUTING IN THE CYBER WORLD THAN TO SHOUT LIKE A NUTCASE IN REAL LIFE. HAHAHA. I DON'T WANT TO SCARE MY FAMILY OR NEIGHBOURS. GOSH, I AM SO CONSIDERATE. LOL.

Okay, I'm done with this post. Somehow typing this post gave me a boost to continue progressing. Good day! :)