New Beginning

Isn't it great how we can wake up each day to a new beginning? :) Yeah.

I have a lot to update. My computer is still copying the photos from my camera's SD storage card, and because I have many photos, the process is taking a very long time.

Attended my first elementary 2 Japanese lesson on Sun. The sensei (teacher) is hilarious. She is Japanese and her English is not that great so there is a slight communication barrier between us. I don't understand what she is saying sometimes 'cos she speaks in Japanese for like...almost everything. She peppers everything she says with Japanese phrases. I mean, I know what she means, vaguely. The rest, all guesswork. First impression is positive. She seems like a very fun and lovely lady. Very kind, very polite, very Japanese. I cannot explain what does "very Japanese" means. She acts like the many Japanese ladies who appear on TV dramas lor. Like very gentle and has a warm, friendly smile that makes the people around her feel at ease. She has a good presence- in summary. I enjoyed her lesson; it felt very light-hearted and not very stressful. My previous teacher is Singaporean who is proficient in the Japanese language. She is very academically-driven and more uptight (?) so I got a little stress whenever I attended her class. However, there is no communication barrier involved and she was able to explain some concepts to us more effectively in Mandarin. I enjoyed her lessons also lah. She is a nice lady. :)

Funny Q& A session during yesterday's class:

Q: *X-san wa ichinichi nanbai gohan o tabemasu ka. (Mr X, how many bowls of rice do you eat in a day?)

*I hope I got the sentence structure right. Those good in Japanese, please correct me if I got the structure wrong.

A: Ippai desu. (One bowl.)

Every male's answer to that question is the same. Shocking. The teacher gave this really horrified face when she realised that the guys eats only 1 bowl of rice in a day. Her own kid eats like 5 boys of rice in one day. Haha. I think the guys in class anyhow one lah. I don't know of any guy who eats only 1 bowl of rice a day. Can survive meh? A bowl of noodles is considered the equivalent of one bowl of rice hor. Haha.

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After that, I went to my grandma's church in Jurong West, together with my aunt and mum. My granny wanted me to go so the pastor could pray for me. God has been working very powerfully in her church. It isn't a big one, with only 20-30 members, but there have been many powerful testimonies from the members attending the church. It is very obvious that I need a breakthrough in my life, some way or another. Anyone with eyes could see that. Anyway, my granny had kind intentions and I know that I need...to get out of whatever situation I placed myself in. Maybe it isn't I who placed myself in the situation but I am stuck and I don't know how to get out of it. It doesn't matter "how" or "why". I am sick of everything and if this can provide me with the relief then I'll go. And so, I went and received prayer.

The pastor who prayed for me was a guest speaker from M'sia. An anointed man of God. You know what he prayed for me? He didn't know me, btw and I didn't know him either...but even then, that didn't stop from from knowing what to pray for me. He prayed against 失望的靈 or the Spirit of Disappointment. I can't really remember what he said but I think he mentioned about some "years of disappointment or something". Yeah well. Truly so, I think I've been disappointed by various things, people and circumstances these past years. I don't wanna delve into this topic. I mean, being disappointed is okay if you can get out of that mode of thinking soon after that. Problem is, I couldn't. I wanted to...but I didn't know how to. Anyway, I started crying while he was praying for me. Like sob damn hard kinda crying. I didn't even know what I was upset about or what I was disappointed about. No particular event popped into my head but I was like crying so hard that my body shook. Oh man, I didn't know I was in such a sad (emotional? spiritual? psychological?) state. Sounds a little drama, I know, but it's true. I also experienced this heat on my neck, radiating up towards my head. It was the hottest I've felt. I know when the Holy Spirit touches me, I'll feel heat but this is by far, one of the hottest I've felt. It wasn't painful kinda hot. I don't know how to describe but yeah, I just felt heat, especially intense around my neck and face. I don't wanna go into the spiritual realm topic. I just wanna share what I've experienced. Crying is supposed to be a form of release yeah...and I felt good after that cry.

Actually I cry very easily. I don't know why. I have over-reactive tear glands maybe. However, very rarely will I'll 嚎啕大哭. There are many only a few people who have witnessed me crying VERY HARD. I mean, most of my friends have seen me cry (opps). Haha. I try to not cry but...lousy lah. I find it hard to keep my tears from flowing when they are about to flow. I laugh too hard, I tear. I feel very sad, I tear. Something touches me deeply, I tear. I used to be ashamed to admit this but I can be a cry-baby. Now I think it's okay actually. 要哭就哭，　不用理會被人會怎麽看。　要哭就哭得徹底一點。　哭完之後就收拾好心情，繼續走下去。This is an ideal I'm working towards. I can be emotional (if I am wired this way then so be it) but I don't want to be a wreck. Same with disappointments. 我現在可能還是個容易沮喪的人，　但我想改變。　我不應該爲了小事就哭喪著臉而影響自己和別人的心情。I can do better and also because I deserve better (from myself).

Not sure if disappointment was what impeded from moving ahead but whatever it was, it is gone.

There is a reason to look forward to each day. :)

FYI: I use Traditional Chinese input 'cos I need it to type Kanji (Chinese Japanese characters) and to search web pages from Taiwan & HK. It is my default Chinese input and I am too lazy to change it to Simplified. I hope you all can read & understand what I typed in Chinese.

Good day!