Busy week

I feel quite lethargic now, just slacking at home. I'm off today because I'll be working tmr for KYS (Know Your System) day.

A lot happened this week. Ate lunch with one of the girls the day before yesterday. We had Korean food- quite good (will upload photos soon). Randomly spoke to this girl I met in the toilet & we got to know each other's names. Might go into details later. Had a pretty big conflict with my colleague but it has since been resolved. I'll definitely go into that later. Had lunch with Yel, Cel and Shuting yesterday. We're all working in close proximity now so it's all very good! :) Attended every session of the bible exposition this week. Basically for almost the whole of this week, I've been leaving home at 8AM and coming home at 10+PM. Funny to say this but it feels strange to have nothing to do now.

Oh yes, the conflict. I've not had such a major conflict with a fellow colleague before so this is the first. Anyway, colleague X is not a bad person but the way X speaks sometimes put others down, whether knowingly or unknowingly...I don't know. There are certain vibes I can pick from X. X is a proud person. Whether this pride comes from an internal lack of confidence or an inflated ego, I do not know but I have to emphasis that X is not a bad person. It's just that sometimes we rub each other the wrong way. I got really really irritated with X on Wed when I just asked X about this email thing. We were supposed to change the address for the exchange server 2 weeks back. I tried doing it but couldn't but because I was still able to receive and send mails, I didn't think it was a big issue. However, there is this outlook notification that pops up that says the server cannot be connected. Nothing big. I could just close the notification and my outlook would continue working normally but it annoyed me enough to want to get the server changed to the "right" one. Therefore, I casually asked X about it. X refused to help and even called me lazy (X assumed that I didn't bother to change to the right one). X called me dumb once. I brushed that aside then, just assuming that X didn't mean it. I mean , surely you've met people who speak like that. Somehow such vocabulary have been incorporated into their daily lives and they cannot control their mouths. Like immediately blurt out some stuff without processing through in their head (in other words: no self-control, no empathy, no sensitivity). Sometimes we say things we don't mean also. So okay.

The lazy part was the last straw for me. I just told X that I didn't want to carry on with this conversation and that was it. I just asked someone else lor, who was more than willing to help me. We didn't talk much for the rest of that day. Then yesterday, because I was still upset with X, I didn't show much response to whatever X said. X got upset and actually said, "You remind me of a bitch I know." I was like WTH. I was VERY MAD. By saying that, wasn't X implying that I was a bitch?! Amazingly, I was still able to remain relatively calm and just said in a low, straight voice, "Do you know that the way you speak is very offending? I'm giving you such replies because I want to get you off my back." X got even more pissed and left for lunch. Haha. Honestly, I didn't know HOW I kept calm...because my temper can be quite explosive. I've grown a lot tho' and I've to say that God is working on my character 'cos in the past, only I called ppl nasty names, nobody calls me a bitch ok. I wouldn't had tolerate being called a bitch like that. And I wasn't even being bitchy towards X. If that was being bitchy then X doesn't know what bitchy is.

After that I thought through for a while and decided to apologise first, even tho' if we go by plain logic, I am MOSTLY NOT AT FAULT. To say I am absolutely without fault is quite bullshit 'cos I know I could have handled the issue better. But it's ok to apologise 'cos I want to be be someone who shows strength in character! After all, anyone can show anger but it takes one MUCH MORE to be able to contain that anger. It also takes more to be able to demonstrate humility in such situations.

Besides, I hate leaving conflicts unresolved in my life. I have to reach a point of settlement if not I'll feel like something is weighing down my heart (probably shows that I actually cherish the relationship). If I've tried but the other party and I decide that nothing can be done to repair the relationship then fine, at least we reach mutual consensus to break the attachment. Thankfully, there are no such cases in my life yet. I don't understand how some people can just leave some relationships hanging in the air like that because of some misunderstanding and also because they don't think they are at fault and expect an apology from the other party first. If nobody bothers trying to make peace first then the relationship just dies. The worst thing is after its "death", that relationship becomes a bitter pill in your life. Isn't that sad?

This reinforces my belief that confrontations and conflicts are not necessarily bad events. A positive outcome is possible if the issue is handled well. Actually, I like it when people are open about what they think and feel (in order words, forthcoming). It makes bonding easier and at least I don't have to keep guessing what the other party is thinking. You know what I mean? I've come a long way...in the way I think, but I think there is room of improvement for my EQ. Haha. I actually only share my thoughts and feelings with those I'm closer to. There is a tendency for me to want to shut people out of my life. Oh well. We are all growing in character and (hopefully) will always be growing till the day we die.

Oh. The result is X and I have reconciled. I apologised. X apologised also. Now we're ok again. I told X how I felt also. How X's words sometimes offends me. X admitted of going overboard sometimes. So yeah. We're ok already. Good. :)

I'm quite sian from blogging. Gonna do other things le. Will update on other things soon. No time lah!


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