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Sorry for the absence. I've been so so so busy and I probably will be even busier in the days to come because I just discovered that my mentor has tendered her resignation and will probably be gone in 2 weeks. Like what a total bombshell. I know. I'm not doing that much OT now because I still don't know that much but my boss has already hinted that I can do more OT (but sorry I'm not gonna stay around if I have nothing to do). Actually, my OT pay only kicks in after 9 hours of work...so right now, the OT (around 30 mins to 45 mins) I'm doing is unpaid. I don't mind doing OT if I have work to clear but I don't know enough to clear the massive backlog (unfortunately). I'm not even sure what is within my jobscope now. The other lady who works in my dept is on leave. My mentor has to clear so much backlog but I think she is taking things easy since she is leaving in like 2 weeks. Meaning, all that shit is gonna end up with me and the other lady. Another 2 of my colleagues are also leaving. It's damn tragic.

Oh well. You can only mop around for so long. This kinda thing often happens actually so I'm just gonna suck it up and get on with life. One event that really struck me is that how my colleagues are so fearful of tendering their resignations. My big boss is apparently a terror, a nightmare- someone unbelievably unpredictable and difficult. I haven't had the chance to really interact with the big boss but by observing how the people around me FEAR (and I really mean FEAR) her...I don't know, she's probably very scary. I don't know. She is pretty infamous among the banks. Very capable but also known as someone who is difficult (and possibly also unreasonable).

I feel quite poopy now but honestly, what is the WORST that can happen to anyone at work? Okay, don't talk about the legal issues. If you don't commit a commercial crime, the very very very worst thing that can happen is to lose your job. But even that in itself is not a dead end. Of 'cos the probability of this event happening is very very low (statistically speaking) but thinking along the line of "what is the worst that can possible happen?" helps me cope. It is soooo important that we rationalise our fear. It is normal to be fearful in uncertain situations but we cannot blow up that fear into a monster that eats into us and prevents us from moving forward. Too many times we worry about things that WON'T HAPPEN. It's very silly yet I know sometimes I entertain such needless worries. Fierce boss so what? The most get scolded for no reason lo. A lot of work, so what. The most do OT to clear lo. Man, nobody said that life is easy. I'm very thankful that I have God to help me tide through difficult times.

I believe it is possible to derive joy from work and it is dependent a lot on the perception I have about work and the kind of attitude I have while working. It's not easy. How many people you know actually enjoy their work? Still, I think it's impt to stay positive and keep at it. I don't know. We just gotta find ways to keep going.