Michael Bolton- Go the Distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know every mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

==

Isn't this such an encouraging song?

It hasn't been a bad day...just a challenging one. It's quite...how should I put it? As I was making my way to work today, I was still praying for God to really help me become stronger as a person. Not long after starting work, the "challenge" began. I made a really stupid mistake by accidentally sending out a meeting invite to all the people in the email (including my big boss). It was a genuine ACCIDENT because as much as I've tried to get use to Lotus Notes, I still find it clunky and buggy, and I tend to make more mistakes using Lotus. Maybe it's the version we use at work, a back-dated Version 6.5. It's really not as intuitive as I would like it to be. It is only after I entered this bank that I started using Lotus. I still dislike it. It's safer than Microsoft Outlook, I heard, but the interface for Lotus V 6.5 is quite hideous, sad to say. Anyway, after sending that wrong invite that placed me as "chairperson" for that meeting, I immediately cancelled it and typed an apology email to everyone.

Honestly, I was quite traumatised by the entire event. My boss was called into my big boss's room and was scolded upside down. She sent an email to my boss and the words she used were so harsh. I admit that I made a mistake and it could have been a really severe one if the meeting wasn't really scheduled at that time but I didn't think it warrant such a scolding (she was like venting her anger or something). The best part is my big boss didn't direct the email to me (when I should have been the intended target) but my boss. My boss forwarded me that email and requested that I be more careful and whatever then she had to go in to explain. I feel bad of 'cos. My boss didn't deserve this shit but it's not like I did it on purpose! My boss was understably upset with me. Sigh.

A lot of negative and fearful thoughts floated in my head after that and I felt awful but I think this is the kind of thing that I have to go through in life in order to become stronger...right? If I don't make mistakes, I don't learn and there can be no growth. Still it's a retarded mistake. I'm not going to blame Lotus Notes entirely for it 'cos it was my fault but that doesn't erase the fact that I dislike Lotus Notes (nothing has changed after 2 months+)

I am re-evaluating my direction in life. I'm leaving if this bank doesn't offer me a permanent position by the end of my contract, which I am hoping will come soon because I want to "settle down" in terms of finding a perm job. I have a good feeling that I will leave this company altho' nothing is carved in stone and I'm still keeping my options open. My ideal scenario is to find a good company and work under a boss who grooms and nurtures his or her staff (not by fear). I don't work very well under an atmosphere of fear. :(

Must pray pray pray. That being said, I believe that this place is the right one for me in this season of my life. I will definitely stay till my contract ends. Yeah. Gotta stay positive!

My colleague's encouragement to me is to not be discouraged and to turn the negative to positive! Yeah. I will do that. I'm so sad she's leaving end of this month. Sigh. I shall not think about who and who is going to leave soon 'cos that will make me even sadder. Hahaha.

Life.