Psalm 16

 ¹ Keep me safe, my God,
   for in you I take refuge.
 ² I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
   apart from you I have no good thing.”
³ I say of the holy people who are in the land,
   “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
⁴ Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.
   I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
   or take up their names on my lips.
 ⁵ LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.
⁷ I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
   even at night my heart instructs me.
⁸ I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
   With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
 ⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
   my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
   nor will you let your faithful^[b] one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
   you will fill me with joy in your presence,
   with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


This passage got me through the week. Honestly, I was crashing mid-week. Was making too many mistakes at work and was feeling very discouraged and blue. It has been like this since I returned to work after my block leave. Very depressing. The workload is heavy, of 'cos, but the main source of my stress comes from myself. I know that very well. My colleagues could tell that I was highly stressed out. In my colleague's words, I look "terrible" when I'm stressed out. Okay, that's bad. When your colleague is telling you stuff like that and you feel sooooo lousy with no apparent reason, then yes, something is wrong. I woke up everyday feeling empty and I found no joy in anything. How sad!

I communicated with this colleague of mine who is very nice and was concerned about my bad state. Initially my replies to her were "I'm ok" until mid-week...when she asked if I was stressed and I finally admitted it with a "I guess". First positive step towards recovery and beating stress is to realise and admit that I'm stressed. I was pretty honest with her...I did try to psyche myself up every morning that I have to be positive but effort by self will never be enough 'cos it cannot be sustained so yeah, it failed mid-way. I was reminded to spend time with God 'cos the input has to come from elsewhere. I was feeling too crap to try to get myself out of the situation. Too weak, too discouraged, too tired...

So Psalm 16 really encouraged me. It's true that apart from the Lord, I have no good thing. Since He has blessed me with this job, I know He has a purpose for me here and He will give me the tools and skills to succeed. I am not meant to be a loser, but an overcomer and victor in Christ. This psalm helped put my life back into the correct perspective. I'm aware that If I introspect too much, I tend to get depressed. The more I look inward, the more a failure I feel I am. So yes, gotta focus on God instead (vs 8). I'm small but thankfully I have a BIG GOD! :) 

Anyway, I'm soooo thankful for my colleagues. This particular colleague of mine? She took time to teach me about trust structures. I feel a little slow sometimes, like I take a while to understand concepts...but still, she took the time to teach me after official working hours. She has a lot of experience in the line, I believe & her post is not small (she's more senior that me so she's really like a mentor) so it's really soooo nice of her to go out of her way to help me. She's super nice lah. If I have employees under me in the future, I hope to be a boss like her. I don't know that much about her 'cos she's quite a private person but apparently, she thinks the same way about me too. She said that I do talk but she doesn't know what I'm thinking. Hmm. I thought I could be read like an open book? It's not that I don't share but I don't know what kind of sharing is appropriate and perhaps, I just don't know how to express myself with words.

I'm perked up now tho'. Found the reason to continue with life and I've been re-charged! Therefore I'm planning a team outing. HAHA. Yes, I'm actually the organiser. Amazing. :)

There are so many people I really want to give thanks for because they are important people who have inputted into my life. I'm blessed. Really blessed.

Thanks for being a part of my life, friends!