Mine has been pretty...well, I don't know. It has been pretty hectic at work these days and I've never been busier. In fact, I think I gotta wake up earlier tomorrow so I can head to office to clear my work. Therefore, this post won't be too long 'cos lala land is waiting for me. Haha.
2010 has been quite a good year for me. I felt like I grew in that year. I had my prayers answered, in terms of my job and met many lovely people along the way. It has been a wonderful journey, 2010. I believe 2011 will be another good year, if not better. :)
Despite the business, I managed to pull myself out of bed early Sat morning to go help spring-clean this old lady's home. She's blind and has suffered so so so much all her life so I don't know how she does it. She has such a heart of gold and is able to retain a cheerful spirit (v. admirable). This spring-cleaning thing is a church network initiative thing and I was really struggling whether to go 'cos I was dead tired. I am OT-ing every night and I felt like rubbish. In fact, recently I even struggle to meet up with friends over the weekend 'cos that would mean sacrificing on some much-needed catch-up sleep. Anyhow, I decided to go...and it was a good thing. It is always humbling when I see less-fortunate people. We don't see many families like that at the workplace.
I still feel very inadequate sometimes, especially in terms of my compassionate level. Sometimes I appear really cold. In fact, I have grown quite accustomed to being distant. I like the distance...altho I know it isn't good or healthy in the building of strong relationships. Interpersonal skills will definitely be affected and everyone knows the importance of building good relationships with others. It is not that I am unaware...but sometimes I just can't "feel" the way another person feels, to be compassionate towards him/her. I can go tracing back what could have attributed to this behaviour of mine. This indifference. This coldness.
In the past few days, I've been pondering about this and the conclusion is that it isn't important because God can help me, in spite of who I am or whom I have become. My family has definitely affected me in my formative years. There were times when I felt so unhappy as a child and felt that my family was too screwed up. I haven't really shared anything in-depth abt my family to others. It's difficult to share, I suppose. Maybe even painful to share. It's easier to sweep everything under the carpet (the truth is that everything will come bursting out one day...which is dangerous) and act as if everything is ok (a friend once shared with me that she doesn't share abt her problems because "nobody wants to listen to sob stories). I felt really sad when I heard her say that....because to an extent, it is true. Nobody wants to hear sob stories all day long because it can drain people of their energy. Still, I think a certain level of honesty is needed in order for a relationship to grow more intimate. I hope to be able to bear her burden one day (when she decides to share more). Not by my own strength of 'cos. I used to find it very difficult having to deal with other people's problems, especially when I feel I have so many insurmountable problems of my own. But thank God, I feel like I can handle everything better now. I'm not that bad an emotional wreck that I once was and there is a kind of "stable-ness" that I know isn't truly innate. Now, I have to courage to hope. I know there is reason to hope. :)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.- 2 Corinthian 12:9
What a powerful verse. His grace is sufficient for each and every day till the end of life! Okie, time to go to bed. Early day tomorrow.
Ja ne! :D
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