Social Network

It is recently that I feel that I have the capability to socialise more and I want to do so because it is a privilege to be able to spend time with friends- to become a part of their lives and making them a part of yours. It is through cellgrp this week that I realised how I've really clammed up my life. Why...I'm not sure. It could be a way that I came up with to deal with disappointment (or possible disappointment), to protect and defend myself from getting hurt. I can't tell you for a fact what is the root cause because all that I am now is the sum of all the experiences I have gone through, how I processed and perceived those experiences and accept them as beliefs to guide my life with. Right now, all I want to do is to tear down all misguided beliefs, input correct thoughts in my head and live life with a liberation that the world can never give. I hope I don't sound too abstract. I often find myself having difficulties expressing my thoughts. It is not easy translating those thoughts and emotions into words that can accurately describe a picture in a way I want it to. It's like I don't have the vocabulary big enough that allows me to do so but I'll do my best. Yes, ganbatte masu. Penning down my thoughts should not become a chore. I refuse to allow the little things in life to deprive me of joy. Why shouldn't there be joy in writing?

It is precisely this characteristic of mine that has helped to propel me forward. 因为我不服。In this case, I think this characteristic is good. It has allowed me to take steps of faith forward to conquer some hurdles in life. The sermon last week really reminded me how it will always be an on-going battle but victory will eventually come because victory has already been won at the cross. I was encouraged and I'm very glad that I am not fighting this battle alone. :)

Now I'm gonna touch on work. Work has been all right. There were times when I felt really awful because of the mistakes I made and the mean stuff my boss said but there will always be situations like that and if I know who I really am and what my position is then I will not be overly affected by such incidents. I'm growing in this area for sure because I do feel like I have grown in this aspect. I used to be very very affected and my mood will plunge to the deepest valley. I allowed the circumstances to dictate my thoughts and emotions, subsequently my mood, and eventually the way I lived my life. As I grow to know God more, I grow to know myself more. If I sound obsessed...well, it's because it is in the recent months that I really felt God's love for me. Somehow I can see it more clearly now, feel it more intensely and understand it in a whole new perspective that I never had seen before. So yes, so far it's all quite good. My boss can be very irritating and the things she does, I don't always agree with, but is she pure evil? No, definitely not. She has many good points. & I know God has placed me here. In this company, in this department, for this time. There are negative moments but honestly, I can say that I have gained so much more here than I have lost that overall, it is overall a very positive experience. My colleagues are really nice people. I really really really am very thankful for them & I cannot emphasise this enough.

I went out with 2 of them yesterday, together with one of their cousin. We watched The Town after work and had dessert after the movie at PS. Cafe, Dempsey. I've never been to that cafe before but it's a nice, serene place to chill out and catch up. Took some photos of the food. Will upload when I have time. We chatted and got to know each other a little more. Overall, a very good experience. Socialising can be so tiring- I collapsed the moment I got home- but I think the effort was worth it. I mean, in the past I'd probably question whether the outcome is worth the effort. It's true that not all relationships turn out to be meaningful ones. I can form friendly relationships with my colleagues for work purposes but do I really want to know them more? To get involved in their lives? In the past, I'd be reluctant to do that. It feels too personal and it saps out too much energy. I am being very open- honest here. Haha. I should apply this openness more during cellgroup sessions. It is entirely possible that I turn into a 孤僻的人。But it's no good la. This is not the life God wants me to live and actually thinking in that manner has really deprived me of the joy of loving others- or learning to love others. In the past, I didn't see it as a loss but now, increasingly...I understand that investing in others lives is the one reason why we are still alive on this earth. Yeah. :)

Choices in life. Very important.

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Casting Crowns- Set Me Free

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my eyes
And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free
You are free
You are free